joaquin_taul (joaquin_taul) wrote,

S.O.S. I might be in trouble...

Well LiveJournal World, I am back. As most of you know (...those who care) I had to take some time off to re-evaluate my life, and so far I have discovered a lot of shit that could possibly explain why I am so fucked up. Everything that I have grown to know, believe and love has been a giant lie. I have rejected the idea of organized religion because I am certain that I will never discover the truth about God until I improve my relationship with God. I have learn that when join a organization or are associated with a group, one tends to be influenced by that group...even if have doubts about that group or the message it conveys. I have also come to the conclusion that I may never be in a serious relationship or get married. I just don't see it happening...but I am content with it. What's fucked up is the fact that everyone around me is falling in love...even one of my co-workers, who has very bad body odor, has rekindled a relationship with an old high school sweetheart...and he might be getting married and moving to Seattle by the end of the year. It's not fair. My brother informs me last week that he is old enough to decide where and with whom he should live...and I'm not on the list. After five years of sacrifice and struggles, he choose to move to Illinois. I hope that he made a choice that will make him happy. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I am cracking up. The future looks so bleek, but it is full of new opportunities. I am really looking forward to school next month. I need to be with people, new people. And at the same time, I am afraid to leave my house. I should be on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but it not that bad...yet.
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