joaquin_taul (joaquin_taul) wrote,

I'm not having too good of a day...
    I went to see my Grandma in the rehabilitation center in Ellisville after school, and I haven't stop crying since. As i sat there looking at her in her vunerable, childlike state, I did everything I could to hold back the tears. She was telling me how lonely she gets and that I was one of the only grandchildren to come see her. Then, I looked at her face...puffy, almost like it was swollen...and I thought about the way my mom looked before she died. I cried the other day when i went to see her. I tried to run and hide in the bathroom before the waterfall came, but one of my friend-girl's mom saw me and she reach out to hug me..I cried like a baby. (Yeah, I'm a wuss...I cry...wanna make sumthin' of it?) I want to take my brother to see her, but I don't know how he will take it. What should I do? It is really too much to take.
    I'm burnt out. Back and forth to Hattiesburg everyday. I have school in the mornings; then, I work in the evening. On top of that, I don't get a chance to see my brother that much. He's finally talking to me now, and the kid never seases to amaze me. The other day,while we were out grocery shopping, he told me that when he becomes a pro football player, we was going to come back and take care of me *lump in throat*. He also said that he didn't want to rely on sports to get him what he wants, so he is trying to find out what else he's good at. Smart kid huh? I doubt that I made that kinda impression on him, unless he see my mistakes and is trying to avoid the life I have. He is lean and cut...I am fat and flabby. He has more friends at 15 than I've had in 31 years combined. He popular and quite the lady's man...I am anti-social and couldn't find a date in a spiced fruitcake.
I guess my wish came true: I wanted my brother to be the total opposite of me, and he is.
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